I am a survivor of sexual violence.
I’ve never stated it publicly, but I’ve hinted about it here and there. I’m tired of hinting.
It’s risky, claiming survivor status out loud. It’s old wounds ripped open and sprinkled with salt. Once-dried tears, bubbling up, spilling over. Heart racing. Doubts. Anger. It’s triggering. Digging into that history, thinking about it, remembering it, and sharing it is triggering.
One could reasonably wonder why do it?
I’ll tell you why: to counter rape culture.
Telling my story gives other survivors permission to tell theirs. It opens a channel for dialogue, healing and transformation. It creates a space for would-be perpetrators to see the effect of sexual violence and potentially make more loving choices. It adds to the public discourse about sexual violence, masculinity and shame. It gives survivors a face and a voice, when so often we are silent. And invisible…
Sexual assault happens over there, to other people. To someone. In reality, it’s probably happened to someone you know. It happened to me.
The person who violated me was someone I trusted. More than that, really. I loved him. He was a long-time intimate partner who did not respect my decision to say no.
I never expressed to him how broken that experience left me. And for a very long time – years – I didn’t realize the extent of the trauma. But over the past two years, I’ve been getting clear on why my story of sexual violence needs to be told. Through telling, I’ve learned about love and intimacy, most importantly, I’ve learned about myself.
I want to help other women and teenagers learn about love and intimacy and self through their stories as well. I’ll share more when the time is right.
Nicole D. Collier 
This is touching. I hope sharing your experience will give others the courage to share. But more importantly, you will find closure. Time never heals such kind of scars, though we may not see them, they will always be there. Thank you for your courage.
thank you, juliet. in my narrative, i talk about the presence yet invisibility of those wounds. it’s so true. NMRK
Thank you for having the courage to share your experience here. It’s often hard for other people to understand that even an intimate partner can violate your trust and sexual boundaries. Hugs to you!
thank you. yes! it was even hard for me to understand that. it was earth shattering at the time, and now shattering again to talk about it in the open.
By sharing, you may have helped someone feel comfortable to do the same, or to at least feel a connection with someone who has been in the same situation.
Thanks, Winnie. I hope so.
Wow Nik I had no idea. I wish you were able to come and talk to me, but I understand that you did not. I hope by writing this you finally find the closure and ability to completely heal. If you need me, I’m here. Always!
Thanks, sis. I didn’t tell anyone. It didn’t cross my mind as something to discuss. That’s kind of why I’m talking about it now – to show other people talking is an option.